one of my favorite quotes, if you’re not growing you’re dieing.
I have a month left of my college career, it feels like a lifetime I’ve been here. This last friday I put on the largest concert I’ve ever played. I figure, when’s the next time I will have these resources at my fingertips to do something this epic, better use them before its too late. So I rallied the troops, 15 musicians to come share the stage with me for one final performance at Ground Zero, our trusty on campus venue that I’d played oh so many times. The whole experience felt like I was looking at it from the outside, reflecting. Thinking about my very first time performing with a band at the Knitting Factory freshmen year, singing on the streets of hollywood to try to sell my last few tickets for the promoter :)
I sang in the streets of USC just like I did freshmen year, but this time, I had the college radio station, KSCR, sponsor the event and set up speakers so my voice reverberated throughout the quad.
I had a flyer designed (Jackie ***** did an amazing job btw), and I littered the campus with them. I had announcements up on the main USC page for student access. I even bargained my way into getting Baskin Robbins to sponsor the event and give away free ice cream! Every little piece of the puzzle was thought out, all the way down to excel sheets and a glockenspiel.
With a week to go, and my first band practice coming up, I was feeling pretty confident about the whole situation. Then life threw me a curve ball, as it always tends to do… A week before my grand debut, my grandfather passed away. I can’t tell you how much it shattered my heart. I thought I had the world in the palm of my hand, everything in control, until I got the call that sent my family rushing to the hospital.
When someone you love is in jeopardy, its amazing how everything you thought was important or stressful seems to dissolve and become so small in comparison.
When it came to the night of my performance, I was sitting outside getting mentally prepared to go on, I vowed to myself that I’d go up on stage and sing my heart out for my Grandpa, make him proud, and do it for him. Because he loved me, and I loved him back. And thats when it hit me. The love that my grandfather had for me was bigger than one show, one performance, one good note, or one bad. What I did that night wouldn’t define who I was, whether I did good or bad was insignificant. Just the simple fact that I kept going in those last few days, even though all I wanted to do was sit and cry my eyes out… The fact that I even pushed myself to put on such a large production. The fact that I always aim for the stars when others settle for the sky. He loved and believed in me for that.
Thats when I realized that I had already made him proud, I’d already succeeded. There was nothing I had to prove. I had arrived, and all I had to do was enjoy it.
The simple matter that I didn’t have to try, made everything better, I had better pitch because I didn’t worry about hitting a mark, I recovered faster because it didn’t matter when I messed up. I didn’t worry about what the audience thought of me, because when its all said and done, everyone thinks differently, and as long as I was happy, enjoying every moment, then and only then, would I be the best I could be.
Thats why I had the time of my life that night. Thats why I had one of my best performances I’ve ever had with a band. Because I didn’t have to try. I just was. I accepted me, and lived in that moment. No worry, no nerves.
Four years ago, I wouldn’t have picked up a guitar and sang in front of more than four people. That night, I opened the show with a solo performance, just me, my guitar, and a room full of people.
Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. Everyone has people that they look up to, and wish they could be as good as them. Its good to have goals, and be surrounded by people that are doing things grander than yourself. But every once in a while, when you’re feel inadequate in comparison to someone else… Look back at where you’ve come from. Look at the people that look up to you. And most importantly, find it within yourself to be happy and appreciate it.
Everyone has their ups and downs. This last week was such an extreme up and down I could have been the new roller coaster ride at six flags. I’m sure in a couple months time, I’ll be out on my own in the real world, and start at square one, all over again. Like college never happened. ha. But thats what being alive is all about. We live and breathe. We get the wind knocked out of us to appreciate the simple task of inhaling and exhaling.
One chapter in my life coming to a beautiful end. Next chapter even harder than the last. But I’m going to do it with my friends and family by my side, because no matter where life takes me, I love them with all my heart, and I’m lucky enough to have them love me in return. THAT, is what its really all about.
Thank you to everyone that came to the show. And for those of you that couldn’t make it, you can hear the new track “Came to us in Mexico” off the upcoming 4th album “Chasing the Sun” here:
The rest of the album scheduled to release sometime before… the earth freezes over.. :)
xx
Hey hey 
